Week Thirty Four // shift //

Chance only favors the prepared mind.

Louis Pasteur

The book: Change by Design by Tim Brown

The memory: 

My body is tired and my mind is fatigued. Some days, it’s the hardest thing in the world to get out of bed. My body’s sore, my back’s misaligned (again), and I can’t even find the energy to reply to a text message. That sounds silly, doesn’t it? My life isn’t that hard. It’s actually pretty amazing, objectively. But still, on some days, it’s difficult to move.

Today was one of those days. After being “on” for six days of the week, my body & mind needed to power down. But, when your body/mind pauses, life doesn’t pause. The guilt & stress began manifesting itself with all of the deadlines, promises, and emails I’ve ignored. Others may be out there living it up, according to social media, but you, you’re here immobilized. Life doesn’t pause, even when you need to.

But then you unpause, and realize it’s all pretty much the same. As in, it’s really okay that you needed to pause for a brief second in time. At this moment, I experience a mind//shift. When we want to remember our lives, we want to remember the brief highlights when things are sunny and bright. Of course we do. Those moments are filtered through many dreamy lens and when compared to those moments when we are alone, seemingly doing very, very ordinary things, the dissonance between those two moments are that much more drastic. I, personally, go into an internal panic. “Why aren’t you doing something?” “Why aren’t you working?” “Why aren’t you surrounding yourself with people?” “Why are you just LAYING here?”

But you know what? That’s a beautiful part of life that we I need to learn to embrace. Those really extraordinarily ordinary moments when I’m sitting in my sweatpants, eating way more than I should be, thinking about how I need to shower, and watching an entire season of Louie on Netflix. The moment right now when I’ve just showered and think I smell great, even though I’m wearing the same shirt I wore all day yesterday. The moment right now when my back still hurts, but I’m still slouching on my chair attempting to write this blog post. The moment when I Swiffer my floor for the fourth time this week alone because the city’s just so dusty. The moment when I’ll most likely make my third cup of coffee of the day because I plan on staying up late formatting a newsletter.

Yep, I’m going to remember it all. The times of jubilance, the times of sorrow, and all of the grey in between.

This brings me to my point. Much of this blog had been dedicated to past memories, some of them from way back in the day. Most of those memories have been romanticized and aggrandized. I began the concept of this personal project at a time when I very much wanted to hold onto past memories. Now I want to hold onto the current moments.  A lot is happening. The nature of the posts may alter a bit as my state of mind alters.


All of this has nothing to do with the doodle for the week, but I’d like to share my first-ever mind map, inspired by this week’s book, Change by Design. The second, and final, year of graduate school has opened the floodgates of the ever-welcome question “What are you going to do after this?” I give every person who asks different answers, but I finally sat down and wrote everything down: all the aspects I’d like to integrate into my professional career at some point in time.

Maybe I’m a dreamer, but with 24 hours in a day, 365 days a year, and another 40+ years of working, who says I we can’t do it all?*

self map

*More on this later, I’m sure. It’s a prominent theme on my mind.

End, Memory Moment Thirty Four.

Next week: At any point in time, I’m in the middle of reading 4+ books, so with graduate school, I won’t know what will come next. 


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